


Ghost of You

by MiaBrown



Series: guaranteed, I can blow your mind [5]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Deserves Better, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst and Feels, Darker than Noir, F/M, Graphic Description of Injury, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Secret Relationship, Self-Harm, Song fic, Suicidal Thoughts, Surprise Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26821171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaBrown/pseuds/MiaBrown
Summary: Adrien opened his eyes to be faced with the brusque reality. It was Saturday.He didn’t know how much he had slept. He slumbered maybe for half an hour, if he was lucky. He wasn’t though.He opened his eyes and with heavy limbs pushed the blanket off of himself. He avoided taking a side-glance at the other side of the bed at any cost. He couldn’t bear the sight of the untouched comforter. Not today.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Series: guaranteed, I can blow your mind [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2056419
Comments: 32
Kudos: 64
Collections: October 2020 - Dark





	Ghost of You

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to [Khanofallorcs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khanofallorcs/pseuds/Khanofallorcs) and [MiniNoire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiniNoire/pseuds/MiniNoire) for beta reading! You're the best!
> 
> The song: [Ghost of You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stdr6o0-HOM) by 5 Seconds of Summer

_ Here I am waking up, _

_ Still can't sleep on your side. _

Adrien opened his eyes to be faced with the brusque reality. It was Saturday.

He didn’t know how much he had slept. He slumbered maybe for half an hour, if he was lucky. He wasn’t though. 

He opened his eyes and with heavy limbs pushed the blanket off of himself. He avoided taking a side-glance at the other side of the bed at any cost. He couldn’t bear the sight of the untouched comforter. Not today.

He shuffled along the small corridor until he reached the cosy kitchen. 

Warm sunshine shone through the window that was open a crack, heating up the piles of take-out boxes on the tiles. Bird chirps carried into the room, reflecting back from the walls that now were only decorated with sun-faded, rectangular spots. 

It was an otherwise perfect Saturday morning. 

_ There's your coffee cup, _

_ The lipstick stain fades with time. _

Adrien went to the coffee machine to fill a coffee-stained cup to the brim with the strong beverage. His cup was missing its ear but that was fine. This was the last one that wasn’t in pieces or pink. He couldn’t drink from the pink cups. The coffee was cold anyway. 

He leaned onto the kitchen counter and shut his eyes for a minute. 

And there she was, dancing on the neat floor, throwing back her head in a sweet, tingling laughter.  _ What’s that? Morning got the better of you? Come dance with me, Chaton! _

Adrien’s eyes snapped open. He pursed his lips before chugging down the disgusting drink. He went to the bathroom, his thumb absentmindedly brushing over the vacant spot on his ring finger, before standing under a hot shower. He needed it desperately, even though he knew it wouldn’t suffice. There was no setting on the scale that would have warmed him up on the inside. 

Still, the water was nice. 

It was warm like her caress when they had shown each other their true faces behind the masks. Warm like the sunshine on the summer days they had spent picnicking in secluded gardens. Warm like her eyes when she had looked at him in secret, all day, all night. Warm like the hot chocolate they had had under the Christmas tree, just the two of them. Warm like her soul that had screamed  _ I do! I do!,  _ when all she said was  _ How could I marry you, mon Minou, when this is a secret? _

Adrien’s knuckles went white as he clenched the knob of the tap. Trying to get his erratic breathing under control, he finally wrenched the tap to the cold water settings, making an ice-cold shower pour down on him. 

_ If I can dream long enough, _

_ You'd tell me I'd be just fine. _

Adrien stared at the wardrobe without acknowledging the haunted gaze that stared back at him from the full-length mirror on the door’s back. It would have been useless to pay much attention to the midnight black circles sitting around his eyes. He’d use a wagon of concealer later and it would be dealt with. Like always. 

He picked out a black tuxedo. It wasn’t important which one. The only thing that mattered was the black tie. The one with the hidden MDC initials. He ran his fingers carefully along the seams, leaning into the fabric’s caress. 

It was smooth like the coaxing voice demanding their Miraculous. Smooth like the purple clad hand that had connected with bare flesh in a loud smack. Smooth like the way sobs had erupted from his throat upon seeing the tragedy of his family bloom in front of his eyes. Smooth like the floor of the lair painted in red. Smooth like her hair matted with grisly, red blood, fanned out around her. Smooth like the motion his lashes shut tight after the world as he knew it was over.

Adrien dug his nails into the palm of his hand to shake himself out of his daze and be able to concentrate back on the black attire laid out in front of him. He changed in perfectly trained, brainless motions while taking slow, deep breaths. 

Inhale. 

Exhale.

“You'll be just fine,” he said, looking at his red-eyed reflection.

_ So I drown it out, like I always do. _

_ Dancing through our house, _

_ With the ghost of you. _

Adrien picked out a pair of fancy shoes and slipped his feet into it. As he walked back to the mirror to take a last look at his anguished face, he let the familiar feeling of the formal attire against his skin take the better of him.

It was familiar like the darkness he had spent so many days and nights in, floating aimlessly. Familiar like the beeping of machines he had woken up to. Familiar like the faces that had welcomed him. But nothing was ever going to be the same, when the most familiar smile of them all was missing, when the most dearest pair of eyes would never look at him the same way.

When Adrien regained his consciousness he was too late, way too late. His world came crashing down as he realized, she wasn’t their leader anymore. She wasn’t Ladybug anymore. She wasn’t the Guardian anymore. She wasn’t his anymore. She wasn’t-

Adrien came to his senses to his shout and the loud crash with which his fist met the mirror. The shining shards streamed to the floor in the company of dripping scarlet drops. He looked at the mess he had made and a million copies of his shattered reflection stared back at him with wide eyes. Wide eyes that were clouded by unshed tears. 

He leaned down to pick up a big shard and ignored the pain that pierced through him from the tips of his bloody fingers to the balls of his feet. The pain that went right through his heart.

He looked down at the shard in his hand and clenched it in his palm. It cut into his skin but he didn’t let go, not until its picture became just as red as the love he felt for her, the only bright light that had once illuminated the sky of his dark life. His shining lucky star, whom he was never going to see ever again. 

“This is the day. But you’ll be just fine,” he lied straight in the eye of his reflection before he let the shard fall back to the floor with a thump and walked out of the room.

_ And I chase it down, _

_ With a shot of truth. _

“Dude, what happened to your hand?”

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.”

“But Adrien, you’re- ouch, Alya!”

“Nino, not now! Look, there!”

“Dude, she’s beautiful!”

In the chapel everything was white.

White like the lies they had told everyone in their previous double lives. White like the blank page her mind was, blissfully unaware of everything she once had, everything she had lost. White like the unbearable pain that had made its home in his chest.

Hot, exasperated tears swelled in Adrien’s eyes, running down his cheeks, soaking his black tie as his other half, the love of his life moved past him without blinking an eye. He was bereaved from the never-ceasing shining of her eyes that used to light up his whole world, from the lovely smile that in any other day would have had the power to heal his soul, the melodious chuckle that now haunted his days and nights. He watched as Marinette walked down the aisle, keeping her gaze at one point in space. 

The overjoyed face of Luka, the love of her new life, who waited for her before the altar.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you know that the song is written in ¾ time? Which is also known as waltzing tempo? If only he had someone to dance with (:
> 
> \----------------
> 
> If you are interested in reading or writing fanfiction and you are looking for a community of like-minded and supportive people, come and join the [Miraculous Fanworks Discord](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks) server!


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